When she walks down the street men drool in an old fashion filthy way (ladies too.) The Starlet has been placed on Earth by the all-consuming and voracious goddess of Nature for one purpose: to be late for work, break a heel, and mix a swingin' buttery nipple. But what has a Starlet got that most women do not? She's got IT! And with IT she need only snap her whip because she gets most of what she needs for free. Normal women do not need what a Starlet loves. Normal women need RIGHTS! Women who need rights dress like men and lose their Power.
A Starlet is willing to ALMOST show you. The promise of the Secret to be revealed. The pagan facts of life so recently overlooked ... long covered by the shadow of the progress-arc. Do you remember a time when even the feminists had tails! How could she be under your thumb when you are under her heel? After all, Woman is superior to Man (in the last reel).
Starlets aren't just looking for a man, they're looking for immortality in a film can. Stag loops take on the importance of a holy grail. Drink from the cup of silver nitrate and know youth forever. The turn of the head at wolf call. The key in the lock of the BigBroad cage.
What do you mean she can't act? Didn't anybody let you in on the act? Scream Queen is dead, but the starlet lives forever.
There goes the Starlet.
Shine on Sweet Starlet.
Broad Daylight/Shine On Sweet Starlet Two films by underground legend John Michael McCarthy that every true devotee of low-life culture must see! Beautiful burlesque performers and an eclectic garage/trash/exotica soundtrack makes for perfect entertainment. Shine On Sweet Starlet is a grainy black & white self-described "punk rock stag loop". It's kinda like finding some forgotten Irving Klaw mail-order film from way back when. I prefer Broad Daylight, which has the feel of a long lost scopitone (except cooler and with better music). No way can I single out one performance, especially with the likes of the incredible Kitten DeVille, Lucha Va Voom's Ursulina, Mademoiselle Kitty Diggins, the amazing Fishnet Floozys (Anna Bells & Nikki Novak), Super Teenage, and magnificent Varla covergirl Mimi LeMeaux (to name but a few) to choose from. JMM is a worthy successor to the legend of Russ Meyer. - Evil Larry , posted 05/07/05
Two delicious discs, both shot on Super 8, featuring rather enticing burlesque/go-go/striptease entertainment set to an amazing soundtrack. Broad Daylight is more of the Burlesque-A-Go-Go type shaking by dancers such as Kitten DeVille, Dirty Martini, Fat Bottom Revue, Mimi LeMeaux, and many more. Shine On Sweet Starlet is by far a more risqué film, with full nudity and decidedly naughty stripteases by performers such as Alicja Trout, Kelly Ball, and more. Music is provided by bands like The Royal Pendeltons, The Detroit Cobras, The Persuaders, Jack Oblivion, Demolition Doll Rods, and much more. Fun to put in while friends are over, use as marital aid, or watch while alone (that’s what I’ll do, heh heh). (Lisa Donnalley)
Shine on Sweet Starlet began during The Sore Losers Vice Party Tour. JMM and his friendly elitist entourage shot super-8 stag footage of starlets and collected music from bands who played with The Sore Losers! Shine On Sweet Starlet is a 60-minute burlesque video featuring the above mentioned starlets taking off their clothes to the garage-rock soundtrack
Right now we are alive and on the road as we embark on a West Coast Tour with Seattle behind & Portland ahead, the simple plan is to get drunk (but please don't knock the Nikon off the shaky merch table where I sell my Moviethrift & Underground comix) and sweeten deals with potential Starlets to appear slipsliding, peeping & hiding in my Neo-Opus "Shine On Sweet Starlet". Twenty four frames and two minutes of fame per Starlet with a new punk rock soundtrack provided by bands that open for "The Sore Losers" on this Vice Party Tour. (Hey! It's a brand new stag loop, Joe!)
An added charm is my constant companion and platinum foil: the illustrious Ms. Jade Pagoda who captures the primitive au'naturalle landscapes of Starlets to be used on the "Shine On..." soundtrack album cover.
Meanwhile, I show my new exploitation flick "The Sore Losers" and Ms. Jade Pagoda snaps, kliks, swallows, and flirts mostly with the guys of Ford motor grease persuasion (though I must say I am a Ford Eater). Either way an appetite for deconstruction and Taco Bell propels our '64 Falcon across The Big Grind as Starlet D'Lana Tunnell flabbergasts with charismatic vice - an idol of idolatry turning gay men straight, if only for eighty-nine minutes running time as one of the Superstarlets in the Sore Losers.
We have left Seattle behind. Our first Vice Party left a lot to be desired. When I addressed the first crowd at Moe as 'Losers', they seem to take it oh - so - personally.(except Spanky, of course).
The Exploding Pintos, The Dwindles, and Wiretap played after screening but no one, including me, was paid. Disregarding reality, we borrow Alyssa's super 8 Filmsonic and hit the road.
We arrive in Portland with four minutes to spare. Peter Crimmins at KALX is awaiting my call-in. A peaceful beanhead (ugh) hippie interrupts his very own drug deal so may take Peter's return call on pay phone. D'Lana explains 'on air' that she did not move to L.A. to secure a future in motion pictures (she's a Starlet already, what more has life to offer?)
I explain to Peter that Starlets look better without their pants on and that 'The Sore Losers' is all about Juvenile Delinquents, Beautiful Boys, and Amazons from Outer Space who come to Memphis to kill hippies. (They wanted Meat so They ate the Flower Children!)
Since a cool million could be listening, I go a little further; I explain that Sexploitation is the fanciful pop-colored void betwixt pornography and Artsiness. 'No, it's not for you to find easily boys and girls, it is for you to CREATE!' Politically correct pornography rests on every tall shelf but Sexploitation gets overlooked and misunderstood within reach by those who spell 'stupid' the normal way.
Portland bystanders stop and marvel that BigBroadGuerrillaMonster is permanent, not merely temporal. They leave us alone.
Bruce Saltmarsh and his wife Catherine run Casting Couch Records out of Portland and our plastic entourage plans to spend the night there as we prepare for the Vice Party at E.J.'s with The MonoMen and The Boss Martians. Bruce's band The Incinerators will meet us in San Francisco to play with Deadbolt.
Somewhere along the smooth twelve hour drive from Portland to San Francisco the Veils begin to fall away. The Vice Parties are passing ever so 'go Johnny go' into reality as three hours of sleep push pull images of Gram Parsons through speedometer glass and the Falcon has a party line to Memphis.
We ask ourselves why can't we bathe? The answer is simple and easy: We are DIRTY! Ms. Jade Pagoda takes dirty pix, I make dirty flix, and one day Starlet D'Lana will be filthy rich.
In San Francisco, Ms. Jade Pagoda sits Bruce and me down at Photographer Sharon Seldens russian embassy on Fulton, bleaching our hair goldenwhite so we can 'op' out with a glamish element should one occur on the Haight. It appears, however, that WE are the black & white 'it'. Finding no truth in the unsexiness I see around me (riot grrls and fashion whores who have lost touch with their femininity) we all clean up our third act, not wanting to be mistaken for hippies by the folks in the darkroom.
On Lower Haight, the lights begins to gel at the Treanor Bros. studio where the first frames of 'Shine On Sweet Starlet' fall. The shoot followed two incredible Vice Parties; One at the ATA Gallery hosted by Craig Baldwin (attended primarily by filmmakers including Danny Plotnick).
The other was promoted by arm twisting pro-thug August Ragone (of Incredibly Strange Wrestling fame). Oh what a joy it was to show Hippie annihilation to a cheering crowd of San Franciscans!
Paul and Todd Treanor, along with partner Craig Schiller, have converted their humble headquarters into a retro haven for tonight's Starlet shoot. Wine awaits for the Starlets and they spill themselves into large plastic cups.
Soon our heads are out of time and we walk to the nearby bar to grab a couple (Shazza Selden and Frank Kozik). Bruce has to leave at 5 a.m. to catch a ride back to Portland with his other band Lollipop. We shall see what transpires in Hollywood.
foto by Victoria Renard
108 miles outside I see the SmogMonster. On North El Cerritto my friend, Director (and head of Frugality Films) Emmy Collins awaits to wisk us away to Mary Lou Santos' (and Jen's!) radio show on KUCI where he will promote his new short film 'Jack The Dipper' (in which I play religious cartoonist Jack Chick).
Emmy plans a feature film called 'An Extra Is Born' where the actors are extras and the extras are actors. The foreground action is blurred and the background is where the story takes place. Emmy plans on telling any Starlet he meets on the road that he is, in fact, Jack Oblivian (punkrock filmstar) but he's just let the hair and beard 'go'. That way he will get lots of 'P' action. Meanwhile I think of my one naked Starlet back in Memphis.
Tomorrow we watch the stars go out one by one to catch a movie made with Starlet Producer Dawn Ashcraft's plastic money. A movie that no one was waiting for.
At the Hollywood Moguls Vice Party there are too many events geared for the short attention span set and it pisses me off that people have to battle distractions to watch a film that I spent two years of my life on.
Case in point: A hippie in pajamas who runs (ruins) the lights and sound, the epitome of the monkey in tights who would spoil my rock show.
Nevertheless SuperStarlet (& Sore Loser) Kerine Elkins reveals more than she ever could. Johnny Legend and Versatile Fashions are already here and 'in the know'. Everyone knows how to put out on vinyl or plastic. Kerine Long Gone John wrangles 'the Club' onto Ms. Jade Pagoda's steering wheel whilst the seedy underbelly of Southern California riff raff shadow-emerge to rip-off or be ripped off should they enter Hollywood Moguls.
The noisy night is fused together by sonic buzzsquad the Necessary Evils and the loud and revealing Hot Damn. Starlet Kerine Elkins performs a chanteuse exotique in the name of Romanticizing Decadence.
In the course of Starlet Search for 'SOSS', I am introduced to four Starlets of the Apocalypse who look so furiously gorgeous (black light catching square bone from all angles) I have to ask them if they are men or women. I note to please pardon, but a gang of obvious she-males seems fixed between mens and ladies wishing for a closet that will never open.
All you need is a sense of humor to go with a great body and a pretty face. As it happens, the diamond ring leader of these Starlet vixens is Michelle who runs a little punk rock joint on Pico called The Jabberjaw. Michelle explains that she too is asking gals to peel away the layers tomorrow afternoon at The Jabberjaw for rehearsal in her burlesque show revue 'The Velvet Hammer'.
The next day we are there and it seems all too easy. Ms. Jade's friend and cinematographer Dan O'Rourke shows up to shoot, producer Emmy Collins and grip Terry Ostovich help out and The Jabberjaw Starlets don't have to be told much. They're over 18, They believe in Immortality, and they know what it's all about.
The shoot that transpired at The Jabberjaw made the 'Shine On' concept seem rather perfect in it's jump-cut flawed design. Audition, cast, and shoot! My only instructions to the cinematographers: "Make it look like it was found in a foot locker at an estate sale!" Later we load the lights back into Emmy's Mystery Machine taking the return policy quite literally. But there were many girls to go. Vice parties in seven cities await in the Southwest (with two Starlets taht Co-Producer Susan Shepard had set up in Austin: Her sister Margaret and Lyndsy Jenkins).
We were ready to leave for Vegas - but being gazehounds eternal, we climb to the top of the Griffith Observatory for one last Peepshow via Hollywoodlawns's Western eye.
But there's always that chick who's hard to make out. (It was easier to peg the girl who put the 'tinsel' in 'Entwistle'.) She who follows the stars and disregards the signs.
And then I looked out into the valley (never mind beyond) and saw the chopped up starlets, and out on the freeway where starlets collide and then I peered into the bedrooms (yes, the bedrooms) of empty pillboxes and blood thirsty living rooms where Mythistorical is spilled by a coroners pen.
I Feel The Movement.
I staggered from my cat-bird seat, a peaking tom with a bloody ring round my Eye. Thank kustom kulture the smog hides the beautiful truth. Goodbye D'Lana. Goodbye Kerine. You are protected by the right to bare arms and a glass case full of Velvet Hammers.
Invictus Hubba Hubba
All Fotos by Ms. JADE PAGODA except *